His hands were pale compared to her own that were intertwined tightly with his. They were strong and rough and she could feel the class ring cold against her hand. PDA was never something she liked. He knew that and so holding hands was all they did as they walked through the crowded high school halls. His green eyes looked down at her as she waved to friends walking by. They reached an area less crowded and he brought his head down to her ear.
"Elsie, you're beautiful," he whispered. Her cheeks grew hot, but he couldn't see the pink in them. She chuckled and looked up at him.
“You keep telling me that and I might actually start believing it,” she joked.
"I hope so. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?" His voice grew a tone of nervousness.
"Homework, I guess. Why?" She was suspicious. Tomorrow would be a Thursday. Not exactly a good night to have a date. He had always reserved Thursdays for his "zone in" days where he would think about nothing but the upcoming game. She thought it was cute.
"I want you to meet my parents," he said quickly and with rushed words like it was the hardest thing he's ever had to do.
"Oh, okay. I'd like that," she felt her own fit of nerves bubbling in her stomach.
"Great! I'll pick you up tomorrow after football practice," he said, kissing her on the cheek and guiding her into her fourth block class.
***
Her hair had decided it would be nice and curl today. The brown locks fell well below her shoulder. She'd toned down her amount of eyeliner and put a natural golden eye shadow on. It made her light brown eyes look less plain. For tonight she had layered her lips in a glossy pink lipgloss.
Dresses weren't her thing, but for tonight she had put on a casual sundress with a black jacket. The greens and yellows that moved throughout the dress made her tan skin glow. She smiled and walked out of her room.
He was waiting downstairs. For once he wore a tucked in button up shirt with a pair of dress pants. It added to his amazing good looks.
"Beautiful, as always," he smiled and grabbed her hand to kiss. She felt like a princess being taken away by her handsome prince.
" I finished my homework so don't worry about me being home too early, Mom," she said to the aged woman sitting happily on the couch.
"Mrs. Greene, I'll have her home by 9:00 if that's not too late," he said with sincerity.
"Don't worry about it, sweetie! As long as she's back before 11:00 you're fine! Have fun and behave like a lady, Elsie."
"I will, mom. Bye."
The two walked to the door and he opened it kindly for her. She smiled and walked through to his Jeep waiting in the driveway. They both laughed the entire way to his house. His normal comedian ways magnified in order to make her comfortable with meeting his parents. She felt confident as he opened the door to his mansion of a home. A tall man with the same green eyes and a petite woman with his black hair sat on a leather couch sipping wine when they entered. Both adults were unbelievably attractive. It was no wonder why he had turned out so perfect. His parents waved them in and his father stood to greet his son with a hand shake. His mother stood behind and waited her turn to hug her handsome child.
"So this must be the Elsie we keep hearing about," his father's low voice said with a welcome tone.
"You were right, Nick! She is beautiful! Look at our son, Marshall. He's picked quite a lovely young lady!" His mom's cheeks were rosy and kind.
"I, uh, thank you," she said shyly, keeping her eyes on the floor. She wasn't good with compliments.
"You two must be hungry. I know you are, Nick. I mean, when are you not?" Father and son laughed together and they led her into the museum-like dining room. She had become more comfortable and sat at the chair that he had pulled out for her. His mother brought out multiple dished piled with food. They prayed and began to eat.
The dinner was wonderful. His family was so kind to her. All four laughed at jokes and she complimented his mom on the well cooked meal. She was beginning to feel at home when his mother asked a simple question.
"Do tell me, dear, how do you get so tan? You must have laid out all summer!"
"Oh well, it's natural, actually. My mom is from Brazil and my dad is Black. I guess I'm just sort of the middle ground of their two skin tones," she said comfortably. She was not expecting what happened next.
The two parents looked at each other with confusion and then the father looked at his son with disapproval. The father's voice was bitter and cold when he said, "Nick, I need to see you in the kitchen. Now." Nick put his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes with what she could only guess was regret.
"You better leave, Elsie. And I don't think you should see our son anymore," the mother said with ice in her tone.
"I don't understand," she said, standing up slowly and walking toward the way she had come.
"I'm sorry, but we just can't have you seeing our son anymore."
His mother opened the door for her and before she had stepped outside she heard his father's voice echoing throughout the house.
"How dare you bring a Mutt into our white house! What were you thinking?! We raised you better than that and you decide to disgrace this pure home! My God, what are the Klan members going to think when they find out about this?!" His father sounded like a monster.
"I was thinking that I loved her and that you would too. No matter what she was. Who cares what they think? I'm not in the KKK like you are. They don't own me and neither do you. I'm in love Elsie."
"You're never seeing that Satan-child again."
That was the last thing she heard before his mother gently pushed her out of the house and closed the door. She walked home that night. As she entered her home with smeared make-up and a red nose her mother asked, "Honey, what happened?"
"You and Dad happened. I happened."
She ran up to her room and stared at her own brown reflection. It wasn't her fault she was brown. She didn't understand. Her hands clenched into white knuckled fists. She mustered up all her strength and slammed her fist at the large mirror. It smashed and shards flew everywhere, some cutting her arms and face as they bounced off her knuckles. She hit it again with the other fist. Again and again she punched the mirror until her fists were unrecognizable. Red flooded the floor. Slowly she dropped to her knees and cringed as more glass embedded itself in her legs.
She passed out and in the hospital they said it was from loss of blood. She didn't really care. All she knew was that he wasn't there. There was no pale hand to stroke her cheek and tell her everything would be alright. Tears burned her face as they made their way down to her hospital gown. She lifted her hands to see them wrapped in bloodstained bandages. They were more like nubs at this point. The hands were so heavily covered with soft cloth.
The words he had spoken rang in her ears over and over again like a song stuck on replay. "I'm in love with Elsie." His voice in her mind was comfort, but not enough to stop the pain she felt all over her body.
An aged doctor walked in and spoke softly to her, "Don't you worry, little miss. You're going to be perfectly fine," she said with a pitying smile,"Quite a little temper you have there. Gracious, you are quite beautiful. You must be mixed, am I right?"
Between sobs she answered.
"Yes, I'm mixed."
***
A month later she entered her high school doors with a painted smile and bright eyes just dried from tears. Most people had no clue anything had happened at all with him, those who did pretended they didn't. The circulated excuse for her absence was a massive car crash that had shattered the windshield and sent glass flying in her direction. People believed it easily. It had been one of the few times she was grateful for the ignorance of the teenage brain.
No one questioned her on her way to her first class. People stopped her with hugs and pats on the back. A few people smiled in the halls, glad to see their class president back. With her head down and headphones blasting rock music through her ears she sat at the art table and pretended to work on Geometry. Lilli, a small Asian girl with blonde streaks in her hair and a lipstick stained smile, tapped her on the shoulder. She resentfully took out her headphones and stared at Lilli as she said, "Where ya been, Els?" Lilli stopped a moment to blow a gum bubble and continued, "They said you were out for surgery. I don't believe that a bit. So what's the truth?"
"Surgery, I swear," she held up her wrapped hands. It wasn't technically a lie. The doctors had done surgery to remove some of the glass in her knees and hands. So much skin had been torn apart that she had to have a skin graft. It wasn't completely healed yet.The grafted skin still looked foreign from her own. Pale. Puffy. They said it would take months to heal and that she was sort of lucky the process was taking place in the winter. Fewer people would ask questions about why she was wearing gloves all the time.
"What kind of car crash injures your hands and not your face at the same time?"
"Lilli, I really don't want to talk about it. Maybe later. I have so much to catch up on. Can you please just let me do my homework in peace?" She lowered her head back to her geometry book and watched Lilli's feet as she shuffled away defeated.
She didn't get any work whatsoever done that class. Her eyes saw numbers and lines and shapes, but her mind saw the hospital room that had been stuffed with "get well soon" cards from friends and had a different group of people at her bedside each time she woke up. It had made her realize how many people actually did care about her. Some of the people that had showed up she could only remember talking to maybe once or twice in her life. Some she didn't recognize at all. It put a smile on her face each time, but as soon as the crowd left she would feel tears dripping down her cheeks. None of them were him. He didn't visit once the entire month she had been in the hospital. For all he knew she could have been dead. Not that he would have cared.
The bell rang and she raced out of the art room. If things hadn't changed then she knew exactly the route he took to class every day. She also knew exactly how to avoid it, and she did. At the end of each period she was the first to leave and the first to arrive in her next classroom. She shoved herself through the crowded main hallways that she knew he never took and crept through back halls. It was kind of pathetic, she thought, to be hiding from the boy she loved more than anyone.
The last class of the day she walked her regular route. The only reason he had ever gone this way was to walk her to her classroom. By the time she got to the hallway her classroom was located in she figured he was probably just now settling into his chemistry class directly above her. Or maybe he was walking another girl to class. She forced a deep breath from her lungs and told her heart not to care. It didn't listen, but she had decided to keep trying.
One turn. Just one turn away from her English class. She worked her way to the back door of the class room and just as she swerved around a few overgrown freshman boys she saw him. All of his team jersey wearing,dark hair, and glittering green eyed glory was standing in the doorway to her classroom. He kept looking around anxiously. She stood by the wall for a moment and watched him, hoping he would leave the doorway open. It would have been easier for her to just turn around and use the other entrance to the class, but she was glued to him.
Every so often a pretty girl or two would walk by and wave excitedly at him. He smiled politely at them, but paid little more attention than that. A few of the football players patted his shoulder or shook his hand. Toni, one of the loudest Linebackers she had ever met in her life strode up to him, slapped him on the butt and talked loud enough for half the hallway to hear, "Hey, Nick, you ready to beat some butt tonight? Tornadoes for life, dude!" Toni high-fived him, but Nick did it half-heartedly. He watched Toni walk off in the direction of a group of girls while he stood by the door still. Was he waiting for her?
She straightened her shoulders and tried to pull her sleeves down past her hands. Quickly she walked forward debating whether she wanted to take the chance of rushing through the door he was blocking or just walking on past to get to the second entrance. In the end she chose the second entrance. How awful would she feel if he noticed her and it turned out that she wasn't the one she was waiting for. The thought in itself pushed her stomach to the floor.
There was an invisible force pulling her closer and closer to him, but he fought with everything she had. If she kept walking he wouldn't even notice her. At this point, though, she was more at a jog. She pulled herself together and walked right past him, not even looking up to his emerald eyes following her. A moment later she heard large footstep walking quickly to catch up with her.
"Elsie, could you slow down?" His voice was Morphine to her.
She ignored him and he continued to follow. There was a tug at her sweatshirt hood and then a strong hand on her shoulder. Her breathing quickened. If she looked at him she would go weak. If she didn't she would have to live without ever knowing what he was going to say. Her head turned slowly toward his direction. His green eyes were waiting for her there.
"We need to talk," he said with a firm voice sprinkled with pleading.
"You had a month to talk to me. I know you knew I was there. You wouldn't have cared if I had died in that hospital. Why would I want to talk to you?" Her voice grew weaker with each word. She knew what was coming out of her mouth wasn't true and there was no way to make it sound convincing. "I waited every day to see your face there. You never showed up." Tears had found their way out of her and were dripping on the the school tiles.
"The first night you were put in the hospital I was there. I tried to talk to you, but you were unconscious. I wanted to come visit more, but the visitor's center manager is a Klan member with my father. I begged him to let me in once, but he called my parents. They took my car, my phone, and my computer. I had no way of reaching you. Two weeks ago I tried walking to the hospital. When I got to your room you were asleep again. The doctors had just done surgery. I guess I have bad timing." He scratched his head in the nervous way he always did.
Silent sobs filled her lungs. What words she would have said were drown by tears. She put her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her as if letting go would mean dying. The tardy bell had rung minutes ago, but they were past the point of caring. His warmth sent heat through her entire body, numbing the constant pain that followed her after that night.
"Your mom told me. Elsie, I didn't want to put you through this. If I had known this was going to happen I would never have brought you to my house. I would have never asked you to go to that college football game with me last year. You went through all this pain because of me. I never want that to happen again." He broke the hug and looked directly into her eyes. Tears welled up in his eyes, just waiting for gravity to allow to fall and join her puddle on the floor.
"Are you saying you regret ever becoming my boyfriend?"
"I'm saying if I would have known how much pain my love for you had cost," He grabbed her hands carefully cradling them in his, "I would have stopped you from going through this." He kissed her bandaged hands the way he did when he felt like being a gentleman. It sent electricity down her spine. The stitches holding together her new skin burned, but she never wanted the fire to disappear. It was a pain she desperately wanted more of.
"I am in love with your skin, with your beauty, with your brains, with your smile, with your happiness. Elsie Greene, I am madly, insanely, uncontrollably in love with you. And that's why I'm switching schools."
There was a silence while Elsie tried desperately to make sense of what he had just said. She hoped she had heard him wrong.
"That makes no sense. If you loved me you'd want to stay here."
"El, you don't understand what's going on. My father is in the Klu Klux Klan. He would kill you and everyone like you if he got the chance. I'm doing this for your protection." His eyes burned deep into her thoughts, begging her to understand their situation.
"I don't care. They can hunt me down, but that's not going to change how much I need you. If you change schools, I'll follow," she said with the knowledge that every word of it was true.
"They'll kill you."
"So?"
"If they kill you then its like killing me, too. You are the only good thing in my life and I want you to be happy."
"I'm happy with you," she pleaded.
"No. You'll be better off with a regular boyfriend that can give you everything you deserve. One who's family will actually realize how perfect you are. Someone who can keep you safe."
"I don't want any of that, Nick!" Her voice was beginning to echo through the hall.
"I am truly sorry, El. I already sent my papers. Today is my last day here. I'm doing this to protect you. If I didn't love you I wouldn't put myself through the torture of knowing that you'll only ever be truly happy in some other boy's arms. Don't think this is easy for me."
"Then don't do it. Stay here. We can keep a secret. Maybe you can get a fake girlfriend to trick everyone. I'm sure Barina would be willing to do it."
"It's too late." His voice had no emotion at all. She had been defeated.
"Fine. Leave. I don't even care." She was lying more to herself than to him.
He kissed her cheek for the the last time and turned away. Slowly he walked down the empty hallway, beating his sneakers on the tile. She stood where he had left her and watched him reach the end of the corridor. The ghost of his lips still teased her cheek. Before his footsteps turned him to another hallway he looked back at her and spoke.
"It's because I love you."
And he was gone.
His voice kept reverberating through the hall infinitely. That was the end. They were done. Her body felt heavy and immovable.
Class had started a good ten minutes ago. Suddenly she felt too sick to deal with a class of 30 immature juniors. She didn't want every eye on her as she walked in with a bloodshot eyes and nose made red from sniffling. Instead she checked herself out at the office and drove home.
The bloodstains by her once shattered mirror had been cleaned as best they could. The mirror itself was replaced and all the glass had been meticulously removed from the crevices of her wood floor. She sat on her soft comforter and stared down at her bandaged hands. Ha wanted her to be happy?
"So be it," she whispered to the empty room.
***
Homecoming was against Tarbell Academy her Senior year. That was where he was. She'd heard he had turned into the star wide receiver. It was no surprise when his painfully beautiful green eyes started showing up in every newspaper's sports section. As Seniors they had dropped all connections between each other, but she still slept with his hoodie on when she was upset. His Old Spice cologne never seemed to fade.
Toni had asked her to be his escort for homecoming king. The dress she was wearing itched her legs. It was a bright yellow silk cocktail dress that poofed out at her knees. The color lit up her tan skin beautifully, making her look even more tan than usual. Her hair was pulled into a low side ponytail with a small purple flower.
"You look great, SiSi!" Toni locked arms with her. She hated the nickname SiSi, but it had stuck this year. The two waited for the announcer to call their names. After forever of waiting the homecoming committee pushed them onto the field and they heard, "Homecoming King nominee, Toni Carson. Toni, a Tanger High linebacker, has also been an honor student for all four years of high school as well as a major contributor to the TSA and Key clubs. Next year he will be attending MTSU He is being escorted by Elsie Greene. Elsie is Senior class president and editor and chief of our school paper along with many other things. She will be attending the University of Tennessee as a major in sporty photography. Both of them...what's this?" The announcer's voice trailed off. The loud booming voice mumbled away from the mic. She could only hear a few words spoken through the speakers. They were "Tarbell", "Player" and "behind".
The crowd facing the Homecoming court stared past all the nominees to a Tarbell football player stomping towards her and Toni. A big number 21 was printed on his jersey. The way he paced toward them reminded Elsie of the way he used to walk. The player's broad shoulders and slender body were almost jogging towards the two. It was becoming more apparent that the player was heading more toward Toni than her. His pace kept getting faster and faster until he was flat out running at Toni. All at once he slammed into his side, almost taking her down with his tackle. She quickly unlinked arms with Toni and pushed herself away from the brawl. She stood there in awe as the two wrestled; a blur of Tanger High Blue and Tarbell Academy Green. Policemen and Principals were rushing on to the field as Toni ripped off 21's helmet. She caught a glimpse of emerald green eyes pleading with her before Toni punched the left side of his face hard enough to knock him unconscious.
She just stood there. Speechless. The police took Toni into custody and the principals carried 21 to the stretcher waiting on the outside of the field fence. Everyone around her was in constant motion, running in and out of the way of the adults. She just stood there watching him being carried away.
"Nick?" She whispered under her breath. As he the adults reached the stretcher he gained consciousness and looked around anxiously. He found her eyes and held her gaze. Pure hurt seeping through his stare.
She ran towards the exit with the rest of the crowd. People looked at her with awe. She was the girl that caused all this dram. The one that made the game end early. The one that ruined homecoming. All that aside she pushed through the teenagers and parents to her SUV parked at the back of the school lot. If she drove home she’d never be able to live with herself knowing that he was in the hospital and could possibly be seriously injured. Her mind drifted back to last year when he had been by her bedside and she never knew it.
The parking lot took an eternity to exit as she honked and pushed through slowly moving cars. When she reached the main road she floored the gas of her Mercury Mountaineer and headed for the town’s biggest hospital. The one where his dad’s Klan member was in charge of the visitors center. She prayed silently at a red light that the man wouldn’t be there. She prayed even harder that she would get there before his parents. If God were going to have pity on her situation, now would be the time.
“Uhh, excuse me,” she stuttered to the kind faced desk lady, “Has a Nick Carson come in through the ER?”
“His ambulance just arrived. They’re seeing him now, miss. You’ll have to wait at least 40 minutes,” the lady smiled kindly and went back to typing on her computer. She turned around and looked at all the people waiting with magazines or fidgeting with their fingers. An expecting father waited with pink and blue candy cigars.
“Great,” she sighed long and took a seat next to a woman reading a Vogue magazine. By the way her fingers kept playing with the pages, she guessed that the woman wasn’t really reading the magazine, but trying desperately to get her mind off of something horrid. The woman was older and the lines in her face told the story of a life Elsie couldn’t even imagine.
“Ma’am, are you alright?” She asked.
The woman laughed bitterly and replied with a question of her own. “Is anyone in this room really alright?”
“Guess not. If you don’t mind me asking, why are you here?”
“The man I’ve loved for forty years was in an accident. I’m afraid he may not make it through the night. The hospital won’t let me see him for another two hours after they finish his surgery. He doesn’t even know I’m here.”
“Were you not the one who brought him here?”
“His wife did.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not a mistress. You look pretty young, little miss. Life must be pretty easy for you right now. Getting a lot of boys, I’m sure,” she winked knowingly and asked,”May I tell you a story? I’ve not been able to share it for years.”
“Please, tell your story. I’d love to hear it,” she had a while to wait and maybe this would get her mind off of him.
The woman took a prolonged breath and started,”Desert Storm had just begun. My boyfriend, Jack, was shipped off to Germany with his military troop. He was supposed to serve for a year and a half. Before he left he wanted to make me his bride. I told him no. Not because I didn’t love him, but because I was too afraid of being married to a dead soldier. I really did love him, more than he ever knew. He still doesn’t know. When he left for Germany he was heartbroken. He met a Russian correspondent and I guess she was beautiful and enough to get his mind off of my rejection.
“I waited though. For two years I waited for him to come home so I could say yes. When he finally showed up with a short little black haired beauty I cried for years. Oh, sweetie, I don’t think you could ever imagine a heartache as bad as mine. I was just waiting for the Grim Reaper to come and take me away from this place.
“This nice man named Taylor came and he was good to me. He treated me like a lady and never disrespected me. I married him and we had the most beautiful children in the world. I named my first son Jack. He grew up to be just like his namesake. Kind, loving, smart, strong and handsome. My little Jack was perfect in every way. He went off to Vietnam and died a year and three months ago,” she paused for a moment to gain her composure and continued.
“I had lost both of my Jack’s and to make things worse Taylor died six months ago from Cancer. What’s a woman supposed to do when all the men she’d ever loved had left her in some way? I stayed at home all day and only went out to get food or visit my other children. This morning I got a call that Jack had gotten in a car wreck and I had been one of his emergency contacts. It’s been thirty years, understand, and he still remembered my name. He listed me as someone to contact if he were ever seriously hurt. I rushed here as fast as I could.” She sighed and looked at Elsie with sweet brown eyes that were glossy with tears.
“Whoa,” was all she could say to the older lady who had gone through enough heartbreak to kill someone.
“Ah, well. It all happens for a reason, right?” she smiled and Elsie nodded shyly in agreement. “Who are you here to see?”
“My ex-boyfriend,” it sounded so pathetic now.
“That’s sweet of you. Still have feeling for him?”
“I fall more in love with him the longer I’m not with him. I’m going to kill him, though. He tackled my homecoming date tonight and got smashed to pieces. He was the one who broke up with me last year. I don’t see why he was so angry. He said he wanted me to be happy. I wasn’t even dating the boy he tried to beat up. I just don’t get it.”
“Sounds to me like there’s more to your story than you think.”
“Oh, you have no idea.”
“Excuse me,” the desk lady had approached the two talking, “ Nick Carson is in room 247 if you want to see him now. I don’t know if he’ll be awake or not.”
“Thank you. And thank you, ma’am for telling me your story.” she said with honest gratitude. “I hope things work out with Jack.”
“I wish the same for you, sweetie!”
She stood up and headed for the elevators. The upward facing arrow lit up when she pressed it. As she waited for the doors to open she looked back at the old lady who was sitting and fidgeting with the magazine again. Tears were dripping slowly onto the magazine. Elsie could feel her own eyes welling with tears and she wiped away the running eyeliner. Even after hearing that story she had decided that this would be the last time she would ever see him.
The ping of the elevator signaled another hurting point in her life. All this emotional and physical pain she’d been feeling had been because of him. It made her so angry, but then again, she loved the rush she had gotten tonight when she’d seen his emerald eyes. She turned the corners of the hospital and dug her nails into her palm. Part of her wanted to punch him more than Toni already had and another part of her wanted to kiss him long enough to make up for all the time they’d been away from each other.
Room 247 was right in front of her. She still hadn’t figured out what she was going to do when she saw him, but still she walked quietly into the room. Not surprisingly he was sound asleep. His face was so peaceful. The same boy she’d seen tonight with the pleading eyes and angered mind had subsided into a child that looked like he was having a bad dream. The doctors had put bandages on his cuts and his bruises were a bright purple on his pale face.
She sat on his bed and looked at his calmed body. “You’re an idiot, you know that? What were you thinking, Nick?” She knew there wasn’t going to be a response, but she kept going.
“I’m not dating Toni. I’m not even good friends with him, but when you left I needed someone to talk to. He was there. Actually, everyone was. Everyone but you. It was great to know I had so many friends. Not seeing you really sucks, though. I still don’t understand why it had to be this hard for me. You’d think I’d be able to get over you sooner,” she chuckled resentfully and watched a moment as he moved in his bed it looked like he was trying to wake up. His eyes opened for a moment then closed slowly as if he weren’t really awake.
“You are so drugged,” she laughed, “I hope this doesn’t screw with your chances to play college ball. I know it’s what you’ve always wanted to do. I hope you get to live out everything you’ve always wanted,” she thought about the lady in the waiting room, “I know the time will come when you won’t miss me anymore. Tonight meant a lot to me. I didn’t think you still cared, but I don’t want you to. After thinking about it, you’re right. It’s best for us to just leave each other alone. I love you so much, Nick, more than you will ever be able to know, but you’re no longer a part of my life. And I can never be a part of yours. I’ll always think about you. I’ll always remember and miss you.”
She stepped out of his room right as his parents were walking down the hall. Elsie took a deep breath and kept going. Both of his parents looked at her with disgust and before she could fully pass them his mom spoke up, “This is all your fault, you filthy mutt.” That stopped Elsie in the middle of the hallway. She turned to face his mother eye to eye. The green eyes were distracting, but she kept her focus and tried to mute her anger.
Her voice was monotonous when she said, “Are you trying to get me to play your game? Because I refuse. I love my life. I love my parents. I love everything about who I am. I also love your son, but I’ve been respecting your wishes by not being with him. It’s been a year since I’ve even seen him. What happened tonight was not my fault and whether you admit it or not, you know it’s true. I’m leaving his life for good. After next semester I go to UT. If you want to keep him away from me I suggest you send him to another school. I’m sure you’re Klan members can help you pay the cost. By the way, Nick doesn’t know I’m here. You can keep it that way if you want.”
His mother scowled at her with honest hatred. His father looked ready to hit her and probably would have if not for the nurses that were passing them with a patient. Elsie only smiled with revenge and walked away. It felt so much better to get everything out of her system. Their eyes followed her down the hall and she smiled when she turned the corner and saw that they were still watching her. She hadn’t been as rude as she’d wanted to be, but she hoped that her point had gotten across.
She left the hospital with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. Being rational sucked.
***
Another obnoxious camera man shoved his elbow into her side. Being on the University of Tennessee sidelines was the best and worst experience of her life. She loved being the sports photographer for the school, but she was beginning to get annoyed with the other press around her. All their beer bellies and baseball caps were blocking her shots of the football field. Every so often she would shove back and they would laugh at her.
“Little girl, you don’t belong on a football field,” one of them said to her as she clicked away with her camera.
She sighed, but tried to keep herself polite. These men, if you wanted to call them that, were not worth her time. After a few more snark comments her temper rose, though.
“Listen, Sir, I’m not a little girl, I’m 19. I have a name and it’s Elsie. I belong on this field just as much as you do. Please don’t push my buttons because I’ll push back.” Her voice stayed calm, but in her mind she was screaming.
“Oh well looks like someone is on her period! Sweetie, there’s medication you can take for that, you know.”
She continued to do her job. A UT player had just scored a touchdown, but she hadn’t caught the moment due to the constant buzzing of idiots. Elsie stood from her spot in the press corner and walked around the field to the opposing teams side. They were playing the University of Kentucky and it had been a close game. At the point she had walked to the opposite side of the field, UT was leading by one touchdown. It didn’t seem like that would last long, though. Kentucky had them at their own 30 yard line and had been getting first downs the entire way.
There weren’t many cameras on this side. Most of them were from TV networks, but a few blue shirted photographers spotted the press corner. Elsie plopped down on an empty lot of grass and began taking photos immediately. A few of the other young photographers looked her up and down. She had to admit that her bright orange shirt stood out in the small crowd of blue, but she was to the point that she honestly didn’t care. She had sat herself down directly next to the goal post. Best seat in the house.
Kentucky pushed closer and closer to a touchdown. Elsie realized that it was probably a great idea to be on the opposite side of the field. Her defensive pictures were turning out amazing and the shots she was catching of UK she could easily sell to their athletic council. Best part was that she was a away from the disgusting paparazzi like photographers and camera men.
It was no surprise when UK ran another touchdown. Their wide receiver was completely unchallenged as he darted into the orange and white checkered end zone. He ran all the way to the edge of the field and almost smashed into a TV broadcast camera. The player stopped himself with the goal post. He was so close Elsie had instinctively covered her camera with her hands and legs. She looked up to find him still leaning on the post like he was looking at something in front of him, which was impossible. The only thing in front of him was her.
She examined him a little. Like any football player he was tall, built and had a very nice butt, not that she was looking or anything. There was a white number 21 on his blue jersey. He had dropped the football from his right hand and held his palm out in front of Elsie. It took her a moment to notice the smeared words on his hand.
I heard you. I miss you. I love you.
The boy turned at that point and bounced away to his ecstatic team members. On the back of his jersey the name Carson was printed in bold white letters. Elsie breathed in deep, just now noticing that she’d been holding her breath the entire time. Nick was the wide receiver for Kentucky. He was the freshman that had taken the South East Conference by storm. Elsie had heard about it once or twice, but she lived in Vol nation. Any talk about other teams was kept to a minimal.
She desperately tried to find his body in the sea of blue on Kentucky’s sideline. His number never reappeared on field or in the crowd. With ten minutes left in the game Elsie began to pack up her equipment. Kentucky was going to win anyway. The score was 32 to 24. To be honest, Elsie did not care who won or lost.
Elsie began walking down the big stadium entrance used to bring the team onto the field. As she walked farther into the poorly lit stadium hall she noticed a UK player sitting against the cement wall with his head in his hands. He ruffled with his hair nervously and sighed so loud she could hear it from her spot twenty feet away. Next to him sat his football helmet with the University of Kentucky symbol standing out against the white background. After a moment of hesitation Elsie spoke softly, hoping with half her heart that he would not hear.
“Nick? Is that you?”
“Depends who’s asking. If you’re another reporter I’d really appreciate it if you’d just leave me alone for right now.” He lifted his head from his hands. The light entering from the large open entrance lit his emerald eyes with so much color they looked almost surreal.
Elsie had not realized how much she missed his eyes. It had been two years since she had seen him. For the first year she had missed him so much it was almost unbearable. All she ever thought about was what he was doing or where he was. Their last moments together replayed in her head over and over like a rerun she never got tired of. After her freshman year in college she drowned herself in things to keep him out of her mind. It worked and eventually she had stopped thinking about him altogether. There were still moments where she thought about what had become of him.
“Well I am a reporter, but I don’t think I’m here for an official interview,” she said while walking the last 20 feet between them. He squinted his eyes to get a better look at her, but they opened wide with recognition not a second later.
“What have I done?” he whispered as he once again ruffled his hair.
“If you keep doing that you’re going to go bald, you know,” Elsie slid down the wall and sat right next to him cross legged. She had not been this close to him while he awake in three years.
“I guess that little fight didn’t hurt your chances of getting into a D1 college?” she continued.
“My coach wiped hit from my record. He knew it wasn’t like me to do things like that so I guess he gave me a second chance.” He looked forward at the wall in front of him. Elsie wondered why he wouldn’t look at her. It hurt.
There was a moment of silence between them. Finally Nick spoke up.
“I was awake the whole time. I heard someone coming into my room so I awoke thinking it was a nurse. When I saw it was you I pretended to be asleep so you would leave. You know, I wasn’t expecting you to say all that.”
“Why did you want me to leave? You’re the one that tackled Toni...” she asked a little confused.
“Because I messed up. I was afraid you were going to hate me for doing that to Toni. I was afraid you would hate me and even though I knew I shouldn’t have cared, I did. Whether I got to see you again or not, I didn’t want you to hate more than I thought you already did.”
“I never hated you. I don’t think I ever could hate you. After what you just did...” her voice trailed off as her eyes wandered to Nick’s hand resting on his knee. She pulled it toward her and held it palm up. The message was still there, but more smudged and smeared. “Why did you write this?”she asked, tracing the words I love you with her finger.
“I knew that taking pictures for the Vols was one of your dreams and you always make your dreams a reality. Actually, I wasn’t even expecting to see you today, but I hoped...”
“I told you to leave me alone, though.” Elsie let his hand rest on her leg palm down. His thumb made absent minded circles on her jeans.
“Then why did you follow me just now?”
It was a good question.
“I was leaving the game.”
“By using the opposing teams tunnel?” She could hear the smirk in his voice.
“It was more convenient. I don’t have to explain myself to you. This is my school and I can do whatever I want,” annoyance started to show in her tone.
“You know what I think? I think we love each other too much to miss a chance to be together.” For the first time Nick turned and looked Elsie directly in the eye. “I think this is what real love is. It’s wanting someone just as much as you did the day you met even though it’s been four years.”
“Who said I still wanted you as much as I did in high school?” she was trying desperately to sound strong and not give into his perfect smile.
The color drained from his face as he said,”Oh...I just thought...”
Elsie cut him off with a sudden kiss. Her lips fit perfectly to his. He kissed back with just as much intensity. Elsie was allowing her three years of longing to come out in that one instant. She wrapped her arms around his neck and found her way onto his lap. He slowly rose with her in his arms until he was fully standing while carrying her. Elsie felt the thud of the wall against her back as he continued to kiss her deep. It felt like and eternity of bliss before they parted for much needed oxygen. Nick let her feet reach the ground, but his hands still gripped her hips tightly. Elsie took a moment to gather her breath, but finally spoke into his ear as he kissed her neck begging for more than she was going to allow him to have.
“I don’t love you as much as I did Junior year. I love you so much more.” she kissed his cheek and let her lips lead her back to his. A smile spread across his face as he parted the kiss to whisper his own words into her ear.
“The game is going to end soon. We stay in town ‘till tomorrow, though. Tonight I’ll take you on a real date. Walk me to the locker room?”
“Fine,” she said a little disappointed that they had to part. Nick kissed her one last time, putting the pressure of his strong body on hers.
Elsie hugged his arm as the walked the almost deserted hallways. A few TVs were placed at random intervals. They watched as the game ended with Tennessee making a miraculous come back. She looked up at Nick who showed no sign of caring about the game.
“Why did you walk out of the game?” It was a question she had wanted to ask a while ago.
“I saw you and I knew that if I didn’t leave that I would do something stupid so I faked like my hit with the goal post had given me a concussion. They sent me to the mdic who said I was fine, but shouldn’t play for the rest of the game so I told them I was going to the locker room,” he explained it like it was no big deal. Coming from the boy that thought she loved football more than her, it was surprising.
They reached the visitor’s locker room just as Elsie began to hear the clacks of cleats beating against the cement floors. She looked and Nick with utter longing as he kissed her cheek and pushed open the locker room door. All she wanted to do was follow him in there and continue to kiss him. She did not care that there would be 70 other boys in there undressing and doing who knows what else. The though of kissing a shirtless Nick Carson sent shivers down her spine.
Elsie quickly ran down the hall as the rest of the Kentucky team turned the corner into the locker room hallway. When she looked back she saw a wave of angry boys beating walls and slamming doors. At any other moment she would have stood and enjoyed the sight of depressed losers walking away from her home field, but today all she could think about were those emerald green eyes and how she was craving the kisses of their owner.
***
